Back in Beantown...until today I was living out of a hotel and doing a lot of driving for a couple of days. Know what that means? Yup, no significant amount of healthy food...and no good poops. I went there. But you all know that I do-do. I finally got some veggies into me today and I'm looking forward to tomorrow!
Anyhow...every trip home is different. This one really made me think about how much my life has changed, how far I've come, the different roles I've taken on, the people I'm lucky enough to have known...I mean, mentally reviewing the last 37 years will make a girl think! Seriously.
My life has changed over time, as do all of our lives, but I mean in ways that no one could have expected...the connections that we once make and never lose, or the loose ties that become stronger. I think of that 8 or so year old girl meeting a boy for the first time in 2nd grade and although they each go their separate ways, they are still connected 30 years later, sharing a meal and telling tales that I wouldn't tell to most of my friends in my daily life....I think of that same girl at 15, away from home in a faraway land and how the people she's with have shaped my life in one way or another and today still reach across time and space to lend a hand...or at 18 or 19, still figuring out who I am and being afraid to admit or to know my own feelings and hoping to god that no one figures out my secret and finding out so many years later that I can't even name my own secret, knowing today that that terrible and wonderful summer that changed everything just doesn't seem to matter the way it did back then. Gifts of age?
I've always, at least as far back as I've been aware, believed that we are the sum of our experiences. Where we come from and who and how and why all matter from the very start. They're how I came to be me, how I know who I am...Something about their combination guides how I move forward and informs the decisions I make and my reactions to and feelings for any new experiences. When I look back, I see how everything has changed, yet so much is still the same...I see the same person who tries to keep everything together on the outside and yet doesn't feel like it's working on the inside...I see the girl who is surrounded by friends yet is terrified of meeting new people...I see a very determined woman who isn't always sure how to navigate whatever's going on her life and covers it up with a bunch of bravado.
Perhaps what I notice most when I go home, is that it just feels 'right'. Sometimes I'm afraid I'll land right back there...other times, I can feel that it would be natural and normal to do so and I just need that nudge. There was this feeling that I had while driving back to Boston, I was at the crest of a hill, looking out over farms and stretches of green, blue sky and clouds above. The clouds! The way the light touched them, it was Constable and Turner and it gave me that same feeling as when you stand at the lip of the Grand Canyon and realize how small you are in the world and how all the drama and such around you doesn't matter. What matters is that moment, just that moment you can look across the way and see just how beautiful something is that you've taken for granted for 37 years. In that moment, you can fully appreciate and drink in the ties and the people that have shared your life and helped to create the you that we know today.
Free breakfast buffet at my hotel...yes, that is syrup
Cheerios and coffee cake...notice how dull and boring and all the same color my breakfast is? Not good.
Pizza, my one true love...
It was the first 'Bucks I'd seen in DAYS! I had to ....
I 'forgot' photograph my dinner---potato chips, diet coke pasta with sauce and white rice with broccoli, chicken and cheese (a caserole)
Banana and a little light reading
I managed to get some more Cheerios in.
OK, there was a salad next that I did not photograph...I was a little busy admiring the scenery. The salad was lettuce, tomato, onion, cuke and skinless buffalo chicken with a little blue cheese dressing.
Road food...to be fair, I picked up the wrong kind of licorice and only ate 2 pieces but burped all the rest of the day! I had a diet coke as well.
mmm mmmm good! Meat Lovers pizza! Luckily, this is a small....I ate 3 pieces, and had a diet coke.
See how colorful that fruit is? THAT's how breakfast should be!
Office b'day party. Need I say more?
Panera! I had no food in my house...I had to go somewhere!
garden salad with the dressing for the greek salad, turkey sandwich with lettuce tomato, onion and mustard of whole grain.
and dinner...no spicy tuna though...