Tuesday, May 27, 2014

Self-preservation v. Selfishness

Can self-preservation and selfishness be two ends of the same spectrum? I mean, in my world, where I basically exist at the top of Maslow's pyramid, I'm not focused on the actual literal not-dying part of self-preservation. Well, not as much as I am on the psychological coping mechanism part. Both are important, but the coping mechanism is definitely more relevant here.

So, can self-preservation and selfishness be at two extremes of the same spectrum? Both are focused on the self, and both are ways of protecting oneself...although one is more socially acceptable than the other. Both keep others away, or out...both keep us from being vulnerable...weak. On the flip-side, both can keep others in and can help to give us strength. So, are they extremes on the same spectrum? Are they closer than that?

Or rather, are they one in the same? You know, like having baggage vs. having a past. Is self-preservation how we protect ourselves in a healthy manner as opposed to doing in a manner that is destructive? Is the difference in the HOW? Rather than in the WHAT? Does the difference boil down to being respectful of others and being aware of how our actions impact them?


Mmm, eggs & salsa, ham, sweet potato hash browns, and tomato


cheeseburger and macaroni salad....and numerous brownie cupcakes (not pictured)


savory chicken, veggies, and fruit
it's not delivery, it's DiGiorno...

Saturday, May 24, 2014

What I want

Maybe I am getting old. No, really. I may be. How do I know this? I know this because I'm not willing to accept drama in my life anymore. My bullshit tolerance is so low that it's almost non-existent. Huh. Pretty amazing when you recognize that happening. What's weird though is that it's not in all areas of my life.

In some areas, I find that I don't know what I want and I'll put up with much more than someone else as I try to figure it out. In other areas, don't dare question me, 'cause I know what I want and I'm not going to take any shit. Sometimes, I find that I deal with drama that I don't necessarily want but can't or won't shut it out of my life. I have no idea why. I guess this falls into the category of not knowing what I want.

So how do you figure out what you want in life? One article I read suggested 4 steps:
  1. Think about where you'll be in 5 years
  2. Write your personal manifesto - know your beliefs and values
  3. Volunteer in an area where you have an interest - explore
  4. Work on side projects - discover a passion
These are all worthwhile exercises taken together or taken separately. Personally, the manifesto sounds interesting to me. Actually, I think I like the self discovery that would lead up to being able to write a personal manifesto. Discovering who you are is the first step to knowing what you want. It probably won't be a straight shot, but that's certainly alright. Afterall, it's the journey and not the destination that makes life interesting. 

The journey is where we find opportunities we may not otherwise find. The detours along the way are how new people come into our lives. Getting stuck in traffic keeps us still long enough to find a solution in a difficult time. Slowing down for the curves along the scenic route remind us to stop, take notice, and find gratitude in all around us. The goal is to not travel in circles, to learn early on so as to not repeat our mistakes. And, of course, discover ourselves and what we want along the way.


savory chicken, veggies and fruit
chicken, rice, and veggies


cheese ravioli, veggies, and peaches
chicken pasta parmesean and broccoli


savory chicken and veggies


pasta fagioli, veggies, and fruit
filet, mushrooms, rice, veggies


turkey sandwich, cukes and red peppers, and fruit
 spicy crab salad
pork gyoza
 selection of sushi and sashimi
selection of sushi


buffalol chicken tenders
 burger with fried egg and onion rings
Mmmm, Turkish take-out!

Sunday, May 18, 2014


So often I find that there's a million different topics that I want to write about...some recent ideas are:
  1. How we grow and change with time, ultimately becoming completely different people
  2. Being judgemental of others
  3. The impact we have on others without knowing it
Those are some big big topics...and I'm not going to write about any of them today. Instead, I'm going to keep it simple and talk about where I'm at today.

Some think that I'm a good self-observer. Maybe that's true, but I'm sure that there are many people who are better at it than me. Regardless, I've noticed some changes in me lately. The biggest change is that I just don't have the physical or mental energy that I used to have. I'm tired more, I need more sleep to feel functional. I need more downtime and recovery time than I used to. I need more time on my own than I used to. Add to that wanting to cry for days on end for no reason what so ever.

Quite honestly, I've been wondering how much of this is stress of the new-ish job and how much is normal aging. After all, I am 40 and it's normal that I should notice changes in my body, energy, mood, and metabolism. Ugh, metabolism may be one on the 'worst part' list. What else is on the 'worst part' list? Hormone changes. 

Yeah, I'm pretty certain that hormone changes aren't all in my head. I'm pretty certain that biology is playing a larger role than I would like. And it sucks. I'm so certain that I've spoken with my doctor. She's run tests, and all signs are pointing to perimenopause. Great. I thought I'd be OK with this, but I'm not. At least, I don't think I am. It's still pretty new to me, and I'm looking to find acceptance, but finding it is difficult so far. There's a mourning for the loss of youth that I did not anticipate. 

From what I've started reading (just scratching the surface really) is that hormone fluctuations at this point of my life are the 'mother of all PMS'...but that diet and exercise are the first line of defense I have against the symptoms. Good to know. Good to know that the things I strive to do in my life to care for myself on a daily basis are the things that I should be doing anyway to help manage the aging process. This does give me comfort. The scariest piece of managing the symptoms of perimenopause with diet and exercise is that it's recommended to cut back on caffeine. Me? Cut back on caffeine? I don't really think that's safe for anyone.

In all seriousness, I have a lot of learning to do and eventually some decisions to make about how I want to manage my health and well-being in this new phase of my life.


sushi dinner at home


savory chicken, fruit and veggies


savory chicken, veggies, and a furry on-looker
spicy veggies, chicken and rice


Asian-inspired fajitas


chicken wings
 cobb salad and honey mustard
chicken, spaghetti squash and broccoli


cheese ravioli, veggies and fruit
chicken, rice, peppers, pineapple, siracha sauce


savory chicken, veggies, and fruit


BBQ chicken, veggies and fruit


Gotta love Legal's!
lobster roll
crab roll


beef and cheese enchiladas with veggies
ghobi pakora...for dinner there was rice, garlic naan, mango chicken and all sorts of shared curries


1/2 turkey sandwich, cookie and fruit
beef fajitas!


fries and rings
Mmmm, that's one tasty burger!


cheese ravioli, corn, and fruit
steak strips and broccoli


pasta fagioli, veggies, fruit
veggies, savory chicken, siracha sauce


cheese ravioli, veggies and peaches


pasta fagioli, veggies and fruit
buffalo chicken pizza and salad


chinese for lunch
pizza for dinner


scramble with ham, peppers and onions, lots of fruit and a tortilla

chicken, rice, veggies and broccoli