Walking without a limp

So, I'm trying to write a blog entry...and my mind is so clouded that I'm having trouble. It's been quite an interesting week...

• started physical therapy
• a technology guy lying on the floor during my presentation
• experienced a pretty significant change in a long-term relationship
• fought my own negative self-talk about many various and sundry insecurities (yeah, lots)
• 4 am messages from a psychotic woman who I've never met
• cried in front of my boss
• found acceptance around the fact that I will not be running my 10K at the end of the month
• rearranged my priorities so many times that I no longer know what's on my To Do list
• partook in much emotional eating to find the aforementioned acceptance
• worked far too many hours and slept far too few

Ultimately, I managed not to yell at anyone for any reason. A miracle in and of itself. And THEN, the most magical thing happened tonight. I walked without a limp for the first time in over a week! (For those of you who don't know, I tore a muscle in my calf. And thus, the physical therapy) After this week, it's the little things. Like walking.

 6/15/14

breakfast at Panera with fruit from home

 Yeah, I don't even remember what I put into this stir-fry

nachos

 6/16/14

savory chicken, veggies and fruit

burger and potatoe salad!

6/18/14

BBQ chicken, veggies and fruit

 6/19/14

consolation ice cream

mozzarella wrap, pasta salad, and cookies

6/20/14

firehouse salad and fries

6/21/14

creole chicken, corn, yellow squash, and mixed veggies

Endings and Beginnings

Here's to Endings. May they ever provide the promise of a new beginning. 

In the immortal words of the Sound of Music, "When the Lord closes a door, somewhere He opens a window."

It's just too bad that life wasn't more like a musical where we all get to escape the Nazis and start a successful ski lodge in Vermont. Ok, so I don't want to have a need to escape the Nazis, but it would be nice if all of our troubles could be sung away...

Maybe this is just one more way that the fear of the unknown is coming into my life? I've been trying to reconcile actions with desires lately and got a little external help. Kinda goes back to the idea that if you want to change, you have to act as though that change has already occurred. Or, at least, remember that it's our actions that outside world sees and on which we are judged, not our thoughts or intentions.

Regardless, there's something I want, but my behavior is out of whack with that desire. Today, I got a gentle, yet still unpleasant, nudge to remind me of that. Problem solved, right? Oh, I wish it were that simple. I'm not a religious person, but I do believe that things in our lives happen for a reason and that people move into and out of lives as we (and they) need. We all serve a purpose to one another. I can only hope that the purpose I serve in your life is a positive and productive one.

So, here's to one ending. I am grateful to have had the opportunity to discuss it in a caring and respectful manner. I am grateful for the experience, caring, and shelter that this person provided to me...though this person is probably unaware of their own generosity. I'm grateful for what will remain of this relationship and wish this person all that was given so freely to me, and so much more.

So, here's to one ending and all that can come into my life next because of it. Here's to beginnings.

 5/28/14

pizza, veggies and fruit

pasta with chicken and cream sauce, broccoli

5/29/14

Firehouse Salad from Thornton's...Love on Lettuce!

 5/30/14

Chinese buffet

Watermelon and salad

Mmmm, Disco Fries!

Greek salad wrap and salad

 5/31/14

scallion pancake

 flaming pupu platter

 General Gao's chicken

Mmmm, Soft serve!

6/1/14

leftover Chinese

 6/2/14

my new snack delivery service... graze.com!

 savory chicken and veggies

buffalo chicken pizza and salad

 6/3/14

cheese ravioli and the salad from last night

 OMG! Tuna and avocado salad

 duck breast to die for!

chocolate truffle cake

6/4/14

pasta, veggies and fruit

6/5/14

pasta fagioli, veggies and fruit

6/6/14

don't judge, it was a rough day

 6/8/14

shrimps

 salads, veggies, and chicken skewered on a rosemary branch

berries and cream

 6/9/14

yogurt, granola, and berries

 pizza and salad

sushi

 6/10/14

cheese ravioli, veggies and fruit

 salad with lemony vinaigrette

Mmmm, pizza

 6/11/14

pasta fagioli, veggies and fruit

chicken creole, collard greens, white rice, carrots

6/12/14

duck, collard greens, cherries, white rice and mixed veggies

 6/13/14

cheese ravioli, veggies and peaches

Mmmm, Chinese!

6/14/14

beef stroganoff, mixed veggies, and corn

 gyoza

spicy avocado and crab salad

 squid roll

raw fish and rolls and sushi, oh my!

Self-preservation v. Selfishness

Can self-preservation and selfishness be two ends of the same spectrum? I mean, in my world, where I basically exist at the top of Maslow's pyramid, I'm not focused on the actual literal not-dying part of self-preservation. Well, not as much as I am on the psychological coping mechanism part. Both are important, but the coping mechanism is definitely more relevant here.

So, can self-preservation and selfishness be at two extremes of the same spectrum? Both are focused on the self, and both are ways of protecting oneself...although one is more socially acceptable than the other. Both keep others away, or out...both keep us from being vulnerable...weak. On the flip-side, both can keep others in and can help to give us strength. So, are they extremes on the same spectrum? Are they closer than that?

Or rather, are they one in the same? You know, like having baggage vs. having a past. Is self-preservation how we protect ourselves in a healthy manner as opposed to doing in a manner that is destructive? Is the difference in the HOW? Rather than in the WHAT? Does the difference boil down to being respectful of others and being aware of how our actions impact them?

5/25/14

Mmm, eggs & salsa, ham, sweet potato hash browns, and tomato

5/26/14

cheeseburger and macaroni salad....and numerous brownie cupcakes (not pictured)

 5/27/14

savory chicken, veggies, and fruit

it's not delivery, it's DiGiorno...