Saturday, November 26, 2011

Function follows form

Hmmm, so it's been nine days since I last posted? Yeah. It's no wonder. School and my social calendar have been full full full! Which is great and all, but to have my focus fall off right around Thanksgiving!?!? Dangerous! Downright dangerous.

What have been the consequences?? Well, indulging too much on sugary and fatty snacks. My excuse? They were in the house for guests at Thanksgiving dinner...a brunch I hosted this morning...for company, right? OK, so indulging isn't really the consequence that we're concerned about here. What I'm concerned with is how I feel now, how many pounds I've put on. Honestly, I'm a bit afraid to stand on the scale. I'm not going to do it for awhile. I don't need to. I can feel it in my clothes.

It's this horrid circle. I know what I should and should not do, yet I give in to stress and I give in to emotional eating and I give into convenience foods and I give into cravings and I give into the wonderful and terrible ice cream. So WHY??? Why Why Why???

I'm pretty damned disciplined in other areas of my life. Why not this one??? I feel like no amount of knowledge, no self-awareness will protect me. I can quit doing countless other things without looking back, yet this, this escapes me.


Frozen 'pizza'--delicious, but definitely NOT on the list
 Eh...not good, but not bad.
A decent start to the day.


I only had 2 mini desserts
 Study group dinner...steak, salad and roasted root veggies
 cheese, crackers, pepperoni and hummus
 nachos, my not-so-secret weakness
I already ate the fourth square

I wish I remembered what/if I ate before this...


I ate 1/2 tonight, and 1/4 tomorrow and 1/4 the day after
 BBQ With Olyver...most came home and then the leftover ribs were devoured as a midnight snack a few days later
Breakfast date: fruit, omelette, toast and potatoes


I'm not sure if I didn't eat dinner or didn't photograph it...but a great salad for lunch!

I probably ate a ginormous bag of chocolate for dinner...
Pretty normal breakfast


Spicy salmon and avocado in brown rice

I'm pretty certain that I didn't photgraph lunch...
Breakfast sandwich and pineapple


Thanksgiving came a day early at my house...chocolate mousse cake and pumpkin pie with TJs House Whip

I'm pretty sure there was also a second dessert, like a Hobbit.
 Turkey and gravy, candied sweet potatoes, brussel sprouts with candied pecans and cornbread stuffing...there was also bread and butter

Yup. Burger King. I have not eaten fast food in over 4 years...closer to 5 if you're talking McDonalds...amazingly, I did not get sick. However, I do not recommend trying this at home.


Chocolate mousse cake for dinner...there was a piece of pumpkin pie for dessert.
Giant salad. I managed to let a vegetable pass my lips as I did homework.


nachos, what else?
 carne asada burrito


Finally today...fruit and fat free vanilla yogurt, breakfast casserole--egg, peppers, onion, sausage, cheese and a little salsa

This, of course, does not show the brie and crackers, the chocolate chip dunkers, pumpkin ice cream with pralines, chocolates, Reese's Pieces, sweet potato pie, and popcorn...

Ok, so what I've photographed isn't as bad as I make it out?? Sure. What you don't know is that I failed to photograph or even keep track of how many pieces of chocolate I've eaten, the pumpkin pie, the chocolate mousse cake, the cheese, the pretzel-filled mm's, and the countless other sugary and fatty foods that have been put into my belly.

The whole point of this blog is accountability and I'm failing that. I feel like crap about that. I don't know if that is spilling into other areas of my life or if other areas are causing me to eat like crap. I don't think it matters in terms of the outcome. Function follows form or form follows function?? Does it matter?? Actually, yeah, it does. I think it's a matter of Function follows Form, or reason follows outcome, meaning that the outcome is more important than the reason. The outcome is extra pounds, extra fat, my clothes not fitting, me not being happy with myself, my self-esteem suffering, and extra work at the gym that I may or may not have time for. An evil evil cycle...

What have I done about it? A whole lot of nothing so far. Until tonight, I have not owned up to it. I haven't admitted powerlessness over eating. I haven't been to the gym in over a week. I've been caught up, as usual, in school, in social activities, in work, in errands, in buying a new bed, in cleaning for guests to come over, in anything that doesn't involve getting and staying in healthy eating habits. There. That's it. That's my confession.

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