Thursday, October 13, 2011

Something Big Happens Here

Something Big Happens steal a phrase from GW's marketing campaign back in the day.

Something's going to happen...something big and something noticeable. I just don't know what. Whatever it is, it's going to be a growth opportunity though. Growth opportunity = mentally and emotionally painful. At least it usually does. I've had these little coincidences, reminders, happening all around me in the past couple of days that point to past relationships. All relationships that didn't have such great outcomes. All relationships where I wasn't so proud of my behavior for one reason or another.

Clearly, this is not a night where I'm talking about food, nutrition, or health. Or am I?? This blog has become a bit about life balance, about a total picture of 'right action' leading to 'right thinking', about self-examination and personal growth. So why not talk about this seemingly outside stuff? Right.

How do I know that something in me is about to be affected and change?? Well, these damned reminders! I ran into an ex this past weekend and was amazed at how un-awkward the whole thing was. In the relationship, I didn't always behave so well toward him. However, I redeemed myself a bit in the break up. I kept the break up to my stuff, my reasons. No insults, no fight picking. Of course, you need to understand that my m.o. is to pick a fight...Point is, I behaved myself in the end. That allowed me to not feel any fear or shame when I saw him...I could just be happy for him and the direction his life is taking.

THEN, today, I spent some time Facebook-stalking another ex. I really should know better...but that's not the point. This one broke up with me to marry his ex...twisted. Well, I don't know if that happened, I don't care, but he does appear to be a daddy now...He broke up with me 11 months ago. Hmmm. Ok, so my bad behavior in this relationship was all about looking out for myself and being selfish. OK. First, I know I should not cyber stalk. And second, if I do, I deserve the wave of crappy emotions that follow whatever I find out.

There have been a few other less obvious references to exes over the past few days....whenever circumstances point my attention to the past like this, there's something coming. Something that will be a learning experience. It's almost like I need those mistakes fresh in mind to not make them again. Almost like, if I know what not to do, what behavior I should not model, then I can try something else. Maybe it will be better, maybe it won't be, but it won't be the same. Somehow, I'm going to get a chance to use the lessons of the past for, hopefully, a more successful future.

 Lunch salad and pizza
 Oatmeal...with cinnamon and a little brown sugar, berries and an egg
Turkey wrap with spicy mustard, lettuce, tomato, carrot, cucumber and swiss

I had about 5 or 6 pieces of Halloween candy today too...

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