I ran into a man I know while out and about today...well, I didn't so much run into him as I saw him with his girlfriend and he didn't see me. First, let me say that I have never met his girlfriend...I have only seen pictures of her. I see her and think, 'huh. she doesn't look as plain as her photos...and she's dressed kinda trashy.' The whole encounter left me wondering if she's good enough for him. Mind you, he is someone that I respect and happen to find quite attractive. As I walked away, I thought not about her or him, but about how judgemental I had just been! I've never met her and I'm determining whether she's worthy of dating this guy, based solely on physical appearance. How horrible of me!
I thought about it some more...and I recognized that the person I am most judgemental of is myself. And the worst part is, is that I compare myself to standards set by others. Because of this, I can't always see what other people see in me. Because of this, I find it hard to believe the wonderful things they say. I did it just today. I had lunch with my boxing instructor and he gave me a compliment (in his own way, of course...for those of you who know him) and I couldn't take it. All I could say was, 'yeah, but....' The correct response was Thank You.
Sometimes I think that I should fit a mold that fits someone else's standards, or someone else's body. Usually, when I'm thinking this way, something else is going on to undermine my self esteem and confidence. I've talked about self-worth and belief lately. Well, it's hard to hold onto both! Some people overflow with confidence and it's seemingly all the time. I hope for them that it is. I know for me, it's not like that. I know that sometimes I have an affirmation-needing ego (a little nod to a phrase used by my favorite high school teacher).
So how do I improve this?? Well, it depends on what it is. When it's my weight, I weigh myself. If I feel fat or skinny, I weigh myself. When I feel fat, I confirm that I don't weigh as much as I used to. I remember that my 'fat clothes' are too big on me. When I feel skinny, I remind myself that I've come far, acknowledge my accomplishment and recognize that I'm not done. I still have to eat healthy and responsibly. When it's my physical appearance, I'll think back on compliments I've received recently or look at pictures of myself that I think I look particularly good in. Heck, sometimes I'll just go put on some make-up to feel pretty.
Maybe these things seem silly, but we all need reminders from time to time that keep our egos in check. Not too big, not too small. What do you do?? How do you remind yourself of your own self-worth? How do you keep from judging yourself too harshly? Or too loosely?
One pint, one serving. Right??
At least it's fro-yo. And I had tortilla chips and salsa later...