Someone I've known only a short while made an observation about me recently. It was neither good nor bad, not positive or negative. It just was. Normally, this wouldn't be worth writing about. But when he said it, I gasped slightly and couldn't breathe for a moment. His observation, something I had never considered before, resonated so acutely, felt so true, that it took my breath. It's been almost a week and I'm still a little off-center when I think about what he suggested.
He suggested that in a certain area of my life, that he thinks I'm bored functioning within the commonly accepted paradigm. He said that perhaps I'm still searching in this area because of that. What is disturbingly strange is that I've been questioning how to reconcile my recent behavior with my longer term desires in this area and have been coming up empty...no way to reconcile the two and little desire or incentive to change my behaviors. My question was, how do I change my behavior so that it's line with getting what I want?
I now wonder if I'm asking the right question. What if I don't really want what I think I want? If that's the case, what do I want? I want fulfillment in all areas of my life. But what does that fulfillment look like? Does it look like they always told me it would? Or rather, is it something different? Something less mainstream?
I definitely like the idea of what he suggested...it felt like it fit. So I asked a friend what her thoughts were. Lo and behold, she agreed with him. Not only did she agree, but she's thought this about me for some time now and was waiting for me to get there on my own. Huh.
If this is right, and I'm not saying that it is, but if it's right...it really explains so much. It helps to explain why, when I thought I had what I wanted, that it somehow wasn't enough. That I still felt like something was missing. I always knew that I was the one with this issue...I just didn't know what that issue was. Whenever it came up, I was left wondering what was wrong with me. I never had an answer. Just an empty feeling.
This is definitely something that I've been exploring from one angle without realizing that I may find a different benefit, a different answer. I guess it's time to continue exploring, but with an altered focus.
8/26/14
savory chicken, mixed veggies and berries
chicken and veggie stir fry with rice
8/27/14
pasta fagioli, corn, berries
8/29/14
egg, avocado, dijon mustard, green things on ciabatta from flour. YUM!
vegan chocolate cake and fruit
carrots, pasta and pork
Mmm, pizza
8/30/14
cheese ravioli, corn, fiesta blend veggies
He suggested that in a certain area of my life, that he thinks I'm bored functioning within the commonly accepted paradigm. He said that perhaps I'm still searching in this area because of that. What is disturbingly strange is that I've been questioning how to reconcile my recent behavior with my longer term desires in this area and have been coming up empty...no way to reconcile the two and little desire or incentive to change my behaviors. My question was, how do I change my behavior so that it's line with getting what I want?
I now wonder if I'm asking the right question. What if I don't really want what I think I want? If that's the case, what do I want? I want fulfillment in all areas of my life. But what does that fulfillment look like? Does it look like they always told me it would? Or rather, is it something different? Something less mainstream?
I definitely like the idea of what he suggested...it felt like it fit. So I asked a friend what her thoughts were. Lo and behold, she agreed with him. Not only did she agree, but she's thought this about me for some time now and was waiting for me to get there on my own. Huh.
If this is right, and I'm not saying that it is, but if it's right...it really explains so much. It helps to explain why, when I thought I had what I wanted, that it somehow wasn't enough. That I still felt like something was missing. I always knew that I was the one with this issue...I just didn't know what that issue was. Whenever it came up, I was left wondering what was wrong with me. I never had an answer. Just an empty feeling.
This is definitely something that I've been exploring from one angle without realizing that I may find a different benefit, a different answer. I guess it's time to continue exploring, but with an altered focus.
savory chicken, mixed veggies and berries
pasta fagioli, corn, berries
egg, avocado, dijon mustard, green things on ciabatta from flour. YUM!
cheese ravioli, corn, fiesta blend veggies
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