Who do you want to be?

I know I should be doing homework. I know I should go to bed early. I know I should...  Should. Should is just someone else's expectations and ideas...There's so much opportunity to get down on myself that I don't need someone else's standards thrust upon me. But that begs the question, who do I want to be??

I know who I am. I like who I am. That doesn't mean that I don't try to improve myself in any number of ways. That doesn't mean that I stop working to become the person that I aspire to be. The question is, who do I aspire to be and how do I become her? It's not like I've got a fairy god mother who can wave her magic wand and **POOF** I'm a new person. I don't think that I'd want to experience a transformation that quick...too stressful. I'd rather have the slow change and growth and strengthens and supports me. The kind of change that helps me learn about the world around me and how to be in it.

But how to do it?? I believe that a strong sense of self is necessary before embarking on a journey to transform oneself. It requires a security of self and an honest and fearless inventory of personal strengths and weaknesses. It's a journey that can't be taken alone, none of us are that honest with ourselves, though we'd like to think we are. As you discover your weaknesses, there's a decision to make...are you willing to move forward, are you willing to temper your negative qualities, to tweak them until they become the assets that they can be, or to discard them on a permanent basis??

Whether it's tweaking or eliminating, what will you replace them with? What characteristics do you aspire to have? Well, they're not just going to appear. You've got to work towards them. You've got to practice them. And guess what, you're not always going to get it right! Some days, you're going to fail miserably and be embarrassed and wonder why you even bother. But some days, you'll get it right. And on those days, you may not know it, but the world will. On those days, the world will see a transformation, a glimmer, a hope, a wondrous light...they'll see the you that you want to be.

Today, I think I might have gotten it right.

10/24/11

mmm, breakfast

 mmmm, pizza

Another date night dinner!! We had raced go-karts...high speed gas powered whirly twirly race track go karts. I'm surprised I could eat at all.

 10/25/11

Those sausages really weren't that good...

 A pizza pattern??

Chocolate covered potato chips...don't judge. And yes, one bag = one serving.

 Dinner at a tapas restaurant to celebrate a friend's new job...escargots!!! Personally, I would have preferred a little more garlic, but these were some damn good snails!

Pork loin thingy with shrooms and white bean ragout.

 10/26/11

I was running late...I decided I could be 5 minutes late and hungry or 20 minutes late with a good breakfast in my belly. I saw that someone else added tomato to their power sandwich...I'm thinking tomato and spinach...

 yeah...

First, I only ate 1/2 of that sandwich...turkey and swiss panini. Second, it was a class night...I was stressed. It was a emotional day, lots of ups and downs, I craved the carbs for some stabilization of mood.