A better me

And here we are again...at least I've started talking about what's going on. Probably not enough though because I'm not feeling better yet. That's OK, I know I'll reap the benefits when I do the work. It's amazing how that happens. When you do the work, you get the rewards. Simple logic, right? Sure, so why do so many of us resist? Who knows...

Sometimes we get stuck. I mean, at least, I do. Sometimes I get stuck. Overwhelmed. And I don't know what to do. When that happens, I stop taking care of myself. Every muscle in my body tenses up and I become a human sized ball of stress. Then, I stop going to the gym and a whole new set of mental and emotional unpleasantness kicks in. Then, I just start to feel sad, lonely, mentally and emotionally uncomfortable. I really don't like feeling uncomfortable. Does anyone?

You know what? I'm stuck. Right now, today, I'm stuck. There's a few too many things going on and I'm not sure where to start...and the funny thing is that I know it will get better. I know that everything going on right now is giving me the opportunity to be the person I want to become. There's a lesson in all of this. I just wish it were easier to learn. AND, I wish it didn't involve working until 8:30 at night just to get some of the crap done.

When I get in these funks, and I manage to have a moment of clarity, I realize that it's the difficult times in my life that really allow me to shine. Not because I'm at my best, but because those are the times when I learn about myself, my values, my goals and who I want to be. These are the times when my actions speak louder than anything I could ever say. These are the times...these are the times when I learn how to be a woman of honor, dignity, grace. These are the times when I build my personal strength, when I learn to bend without breaking, when I become a better me.

 8/19/12

OK...I guess we're starting with dinner. This was supposed to be the start of a healthy trend.

 cake and ice cream for breakfast

nachos for lunch

 8/20/12

sushi for dinner...I love my chopsticks from Epcot Center! Good memories.

salad for lunch

 8/21/12

fruit, cheese, and crackers for breakfast

 pizza and salad...yummy filet on the salad!!

a berry good snack!

 8/22/12

eggs, taters and sausage

 pizza for dinner

salad (that didn't actually get eaten) and pizza for lunch

What's really going on?

We've all heard phrases like:

You can never really know a man until you've walked a mile in his shoes.

The grass is always greener on the other side of the fence.

Well, we've got them because they're true. We never know what's going on with someone else until they truly let us in and give us all the details. Sometimes, we're surprised, and sometimes we're not. Sometimes, what we learn gives us a new framework that shows how other pieces fall neatly into place. Sometimes we gain some insight into what motivates other people...

So, that all being said, why is it that we aren't more open with the people in our lives? Why don't we share what's really going on in our lives? Especially with the ones we care about? I mean, we all have things in our lives that we keep to ourselves, that we don't share. These may be things in our past or that are happening right now. I don't know about you, but I find it more difficult to talk about my past than about my present. And I don't know why.

The problem with not sharing what's going on in our lives is that holding all this in creates stress and fear. Personally, I find that stress and fear are uncomfortable states of being. And I don't like being uncomfortable in any way. When I'm uncomfortable, I'll reach for almost anything to feel better. The trick is to reach for healthy things and not have cake and ice cream for breakfast. When I can do that, it's a better day.

 8/14/12

Ham and cheese croissant at Espresso Love right before my eye exam

salad and pizza for lunch

I believe I skipped dinner.

 8/15/12

Macrina granola, berries and yogurt

salad with some mac & cheese and veggies

There was movie theatre popcorn for dinner.

 8/16/12

Mediterranean Salad from UFood...

I skipped breakfast this morning.

 For diner, R and I went out to Smith and Wollensky's, one of my favorite steakhouses anywhere!!

bread with salt and rosemary

 Wollensky Salad---romaine lettuce, bacon, potatoes, mushrooms, tomatoes with a mustard dressing

 tuna crudo served on a Himalayan pink salt block

 baked stuffed lobster and 10oz filet mignon...this filet was overcooked and they brought me a new one, cooked to perfection!!

If you're wondering, my lobster was a girl...lots of roe. And NO, I did not eat the roe or the tamale.

Gigantic chocolate cake!!!! The waiter said it was two pounds of cake!! Needless to say, a very large portion came home with me to be eaten over the next several days.

 8/17/12

I skipped breakfast again...but notice the filet on my salad?

 loose onion loaf at Frank's

prime rib and fries...there's a lobster to share in the background there too!

Lobster two nights in a row!!!

 8/18/12

I finally managed to get some breakfast!!!

Macrina granola, berries and yogurt

 wings at a BBQ...I had 4

 burger, potato salad, scallops with bacon, brisket, and fruit

boston cream pie cake

3100 miles of eating

What a great vacation!!!! I admit it though. Eating was a BIG challenge and I gave up. There was candy and ice cream and pizza and burgers...and a few salads sprinkled in there. Mostly, there was a lot of french toast. What's the price for all of this?? Well, I'm afraid to get on the scale and will not do so until I make it to the gym at least once.

 8/6/12

breakfast in Grants Pass, Oregone - Black Bear Diner

omelett wtih chicken, hash browns and a biscuit

 fruit on the side

 lunch in Orick, California - Palm Diner

 dinner in Redding, CA - Logan's Roadhouse

 8/7/12

IHOP!!!! eggs, bacon, sausage, hash browns and red velvet pancakes with frosting drizzle...no syrup needed!

 fruit with breakfast

salad and chicken salad in Reno...I didn't eat most of the bread

at Hash House a Go Go

Pizza Hut stuffed crust pizza in Elko, NV

 8/8/12

some damned amazing pancakes and chirozo with eggs at Bella's in Wells, NV

 Mmm, ice cream after visiting the Salt Flats in Utah

Chinese food in Jackson, WY

 8/9/12

eggs, grits, toast and chicken fried steak at Bubba's BBQ in Jackson, WY

 salad and fruit in Yellowstone National Park

 mint chocolate chip ice cream in Yellowstone

there really was a small salad...buffalo chicken with blue cheese from the Antler Pub and Grill in Gardiner, MT. I can't say that the restaurant or service was good, but the staff was friendly and mom and I sure had fun. LOTS of dead animal heads on the walls too.

8/10/12

Breakfast buffet at the Yellowstone Mine Restaurant

 lunch at the Uptown Dinner in Missoula, MT

Best. Chocolate. Milk. Shake. Ever.

No Contest.

Ranier cherries from a roadside stand

 Pacific oysters at Spencer's for Steaks and Chops in Spokane, WA

 Caesar salad at Spencer's

Filet mignon with beans and brocolini at Spencer's

Berries and marzipan cream from Spencer's...brought this back to the room! I don't think that I ever want whipped cream again if it doesn't have marzipan in it!

 8/11/12

Breakfast at a truckstop...I forget the name though. Sorry.

It was, however, our last meal on the road.


There was ice cream in the afternoon too.

 pulled pork, corn tortillas, cucumber & onion salad, and yucca & red cabbage slaw at Chez Parzych-Potter!

Nothing like an actual home-cooked meal with friends after 3100 miles on the road!

apples, ice cream and a cookie for dessert

 8/12/12

brunch at Macrina Bakery

french toast with blueberry compote, lemon whipped cream and toasted pecans

applewood smoked sausages

 salmon roll and spicy tuna roll at Japonessa

the day's Chef's Choice sashimi for two at Japonessa


There were chicken enchiladas and chips at Azteca in Ballard that escaped being photographed. Good thing too...they weren't that good.

 8/13/12

breakfast in JFK Airport, I also had a chocolate filled croissant

And frozen pizza at home...back to veggies tomorrow!